While playing “Would You Rather” with The Kids, The Boy gets the following question:
Would you rather:
A) have your hostage negotiator be Robin Williams or
B) have your hostage negotiator be a mime?
The Boy, choosing B: “At least the mime will know when to shut up.”
On the 12th Day of Christmas, My Job Gave to Me:
- Twelve Screaming Customers
- Eleven Bratty Children
- Ten Thousand Returns
- Nine Empty Aisles
- A Thousand Axe Gift Sets
- Yes, It’s in the Back Room
- No, We Have No XBox
- Fiiiind It Yourseeeeelf….
- Don’t Get Her a Vacuum
- Trust Me on This
- Get Her this Necklace…..
- And Do You Have One of Our Charge Cards?
The Boy, in the car: “Can we go to McDonald’s?”
Me: “I don’t have any money with me, Bud.”
The Boy: “I have $20 in my jacket.”
Me, after he hands me the $20: “This feels brand new. Did you just print this?”
The Boy: “No! What do you think I would be illegal & just print up my own batch of $20 bills so I would have tons of money for Legos & an Xbox…. actually… that does kind of sound like me.”
The Girl, getting into the car after religion class: “We had a substitute today. Mrs. Fitzmeyer didn’t make it.”
The Boy: “Oh my gosh… She DIED!?”