Monthly Archives: June 2013

Sorry, Jennifer


The Kids have a video game where they can play with other people online.

The Girl, calling out instructions to her brother during a battle with several strangers: “You get Jennifer. I’ll get the other guy.”

The Boy: “That works. There’s a Jennifer in my class & I don’t really like her. This is a perfect time to get my revenge.”

Silly Girl… It’s Vodka in the Morning


As I was helping The Girl study for one of her last tests of the school year, we were going over the early explorers & trade routes. The answer to the question I was looking for was “coffee.”

Me, trying to give her a hint: “What do I drink in the morning?”

The Girl, her eyes lighting up as she realized she knew the answer: “WINE!”

Escape Artist


The Boy, taking out the bobby pin that I use to hold back my unruly bangs: “Take this out. You’re more beautiful without it…. ¬†Actually, leave it in. If we’re ever locked up in jail, we’re gonna need it to pick the lock.”

Keep Your Clothes On


We recently got a new kitten. Today I had to clip poop out of its fur, so the cuteness factor has dropped considerably for me.

The Boy, holding his new kitten: “You know the best part about being an animal? Not getting arrested for walking around naked.”

sam cat

He’s Onto Me


My job requires working weekends so I have a day off during the week. A fact which apparently boggles The Boy’s mind.

The Boy: “Sometimes I think you just send us to school so you can enjoy your day off.”

Me: “That’s right. I can’t wait for you to get out of this car so I can go home & do laundry & wash dishes & clean the bathrooms! Yippee!!”

The Boy: “I’m sensing sarcasm.”

We’re Going Home Hungry


The Boy loudly declares into the drive-thru microphone that the guy taking our order sounds like Squidward. We pull up to the window, pay & Drive-Thru Guy/Squidward walks away. After a minute of rare silence from the back of the car, The Boy quietly says: “He’s not coming back, is he?”