The Kids have a video game where they can play with other people online.
The Girl, calling out instructions to her brother during a battle with several strangers: “You get Jennifer. I’ll get the other guy.”
The Boy: “That works. There’s a Jennifer in my class & I don’t really like her. This is a perfect time to get my revenge.”
As I was helping The Girl study for one of her last tests of the school year, we were going over the early explorers & trade routes. The answer to the question I was looking for was “coffee.”
Me, trying to give her a hint: “What do I drink in the morning?”
The Girl, her eyes lighting up as she realized she knew the answer: “WINE!”
The Boy, playing basketball in the driveway: “Mom, wanna play?”
Me: “Hang on… let me go get my sneakers.”
The Boy: “Better get socks too ‘cuz I’m gonna blow them off.”
The Boy, taking out the bobby pin that I use to hold back my unruly bangs: “Take this out. You’re more beautiful without it…. Actually, leave it in. If we’re ever locked up in jail, we’re gonna need it to pick the lock.”
We recently got a new kitten. Today I had to clip poop out of its fur, so the cuteness factor has dropped considerably for me.
The Boy, holding his new kitten: “You know the best part about being an animal? Not getting arrested for walking around naked.”
My job requires working weekends so I have a day off during the week. A fact which apparently boggles The Boy’s mind.
The Boy: “Sometimes I think you just send us to school so you can enjoy your day off.”
Me: “That’s right. I can’t wait for you to get out of this car so I can go home & do laundry & wash dishes & clean the bathrooms! Yippee!!”
The Boy: “I’m sensing sarcasm.”
The Boy loudly declares into the drive-thru microphone that the guy taking our order sounds like Squidward. We pull up to the window, pay & Drive-Thru Guy/Squidward walks away. After a minute of rare silence from the back of the car, The Boy quietly says: “He’s not coming back, is he?”