Monthly Archives: June 2013

Sorry, Jennifer


The Kids have a video game where they can play with other people online.

The Girl, calling out instructions to her brother during a battle with several strangers: “You get Jennifer. I’ll get the other guy.”

The Boy: “That works. There’s a Jennifer in my class & I don’t really like her. This is a perfect time to get my revenge.”

Silly Girl… It’s Vodka in the Morning


As I was helping The Girl study for one of her last tests of the school year, we were going over the early explorers & trade routes. The answer to the question I was looking for was “coffee.”

Me, trying to give her a hint: “What do I drink in the morning?”

The Girl, her eyes lighting up as she realized she knew the answer: “WINE!”

Escape Artist


The Boy, taking out the bobby pin that I use to hold back my unruly bangs: “Take this out. You’re more beautiful without it….  Actually, leave it in. If we’re ever locked up in jail, we’re gonna need it to pick the lock.”

Keep Your Clothes On


We recently got a new kitten. Today I had to clip poop out of its fur, so the cuteness factor has dropped considerably for me.

The Boy, holding his new kitten: “You know the best part about being an animal? Not getting arrested for walking around naked.”

sam cat

He’s Onto Me


My job requires working weekends so I have a day off during the week. A fact which apparently boggles The Boy’s mind.

The Boy: “Sometimes I think you just send us to school so you can enjoy your day off.”

Me: “That’s right. I can’t wait for you to get out of this car so I can go home & do laundry & wash dishes & clean the bathrooms! Yippee!!”

The Boy: “I’m sensing sarcasm.”

We’re Going Home Hungry


The Boy loudly declares into the drive-thru microphone that the guy taking our order sounds like Squidward. We pull up to the window, pay & Drive-Thru Guy/Squidward walks away. After a minute of rare silence from the back of the car, The Boy quietly says: “He’s not coming back, is he?”