Tag Archives: Humor

What Year is the Bagel Anniversary?

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I’m in a bitter battle with The Ex over MoviePop – an online game where you have to guess what movie the clip is from. He’s really good at it. I’m… not.

The Boy walked past the computer as I was playing one day & saw his dad’s picture as my opponent. “You’re playing dad? And the category is ‘Romance’? Didn’t he get you like half a bagel for your anniversary one year? I think you got this one.”

Dear Readers: The Ex never actually got me half a bagel for our anniversary. I promise.

It was a whole bagel.

With cream cheese.

heart bagel  

He Would Have Made a Terrible Hippy Anyway

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The Kids & I love this song & we’ve pretty much nailed the hand claps.

The Boy: “Is this from the 80s?”

Me: “No but it sounds like it could be from the 70s.”

The Boy: “There was a 70s?!”

 

And He Looks Like Their Uncle Paul

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The Kids & I have been watching the Winter Olympics from Sochi, Russia. During the opening ceremonies & throughout the games, whenever they’ve shown Russian President Vladimir Putin, The Girl has noted the stern look he always has on his face. “Seems like it will be a cold day in Hades when he smiles.” (Her Catholic upbringing makes her cringe at the word “hell.”)

During a piece on the Russian Figure Skating Team who won Gold, Putin was shown hugging one of the figure skaters & a brief smile crossed his face. In a quiet voice from the other end of the couch, I heard The Girl: “Hades better get a sweater.”

He does kind of look like their Uncle Paul.

He does kind of look like their Uncle Paul.

Pharaoh Down!

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Laser Khet is a game that involves moving mirrored pieces to direct your laser until it hits your opponent’s Pharaoh. As I was playing with The Boy, I realized he had caught onto my strategy so I was taking a moment to see if I could figure out what his next move was going to be.

Apparently I was taking too long.

The Boy: “Go on… Make your move. Nothing going on here. Typical Tuesday… maybe I’ll get a cookie… perhaps a taco…. Go on.”

I lost.

laser khet

It’s All About the Pegasus Now & Other Teenage Rants

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The Girl turns 13 today at 11:29 pm. According to her, to commemorate the exact moment when she becomes a teenager, she will burst into my bedroom shouting: “OMG! I’m a teenager! Clothes & nail polish & boys & acne & where’s my phone & take me to the mall so I can meet my friends & unicorns are sooooo preteen… it’s all about the pegasus now! YOLO!!”

It’s going to be a long seven years. Happy Birthday, Lou!

Happy Birthday, Lou!

Friendship Has its Limits

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The Boy’s Best Friend, Harry: “You don’t have to tell me but what’s your favorite Minecraft tool?”

The Boy: “Of course I’ll tell you. You’re my best friend. I tell you everything. Except if I have a wart or something. That would just be gross.”

Yeah, It Does

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The Boy, in the car: “Can we go to McDonald’s?”

Me: “I don’t have any money with me, Bud.”

The Boy: “I have $20 in my jacket.”

Me, after he hands me the $20: “This feels brand new. Did you just print this?”

The Boy: “No! What do you think I would be illegal & just print up my own batch of $20 bills so I would have tons of money for Legos & an Xbox…. actually… that does kind of sound like me.”