Monthly Archives: July 2012

I’m Smarter Than I Look


The Boy runs into my bedroom & jumps under the blankets. Slowly, an alien action figure appears from under the blankets & says in an alien voice: “You are being hypnotized. Do whatever The Boy tells you to.”

Me: “Oh, hey Mr. Alien. Could you tell Sam that’s not going to work?”

The Alien, disappearing under the blankets: “It didn’t work. She’s not hypnotized.”

The Boy: “Darn it. She’s smarter than she looks.”

What Would You Do?


The Angelina, 11-year-old friend of The Kids (and Me): “I was sitting on the babysitter’s couch, crying. Nobody even asked me what was wrong. If you saw a child crying, what would you do?”

The Boy: “Scream & slap them?”

He Had So Much To Live For


The Boy, throwing rocks down the Flume Gorge, a large waterfall: “Oh no!! He had so much to live for!”

The Girl: “They’re rocks. They don’t know the difference. They’re born dead.”

The Boy: “And if they’re not, they are now. Nothing could survive that fall. It’s like 100 feet.”

That’s Un-Fortune-Ate


The Boy decided his fortune cookie looked like the Millennium Falcon so he crashed it into his placemat then handed the pieces to his sister.

Me: “Why are you giving Grace the pieces of your cookie?”

The Boy: “Because fortune cookies taste like an old man’s ear.”

“Chewbacca…. You Are NOT the Father.”


Han Solo in Star Wars – Return of the Jedi: “Chewie? Is that you?”

The Girl: “Of course it’s Chewbacca. Who else has that much hair? Except maybe dad.”

What Does Frozen Fury Taste Like?


The Girl decided to chase down her brother with a squirt gun, yelling: “Get The Boy! Get The Boy!”

Moments later she comes running around the side of the house with The Boy hot on her heels. He’s waving a popsicle at her & yelling: “Taste my frozen fury!!”