Tag Archives: letters

MomDay Monday – Letters I’ve Never Sent

Standard

Dear Kraft: It’s called “Macaroni & Cheese,” implying that some form of cheese will be in the box.
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Dear Black Eyed Peas: No… I do not gotta get that Boom Boom Pow.
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Dear Bryan at Enterprise Car Rental: Your office is 6′ x 8′ so I doubt it took you THAT long to find out that your manager wasn’t there.
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Dear Brett Michaels: Did you mean for “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn” to be a funny song, because I sure laugh every time I hear it.
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Dear Meteorologists: You’re all very adept at predicting the weather as it’s happening, aren’t you?
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Dear Teacher: I am not one of those parents who brings their kid to school still sick because I’m tired of them being home. Well, I am… but this time I didn’t. So stop telling me he looks ‘piqued.’
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Dear Wipes Manufacturers: My downstairs bathroom is flooded due to the kids’ prodigious use of flushable wipes. While you’re looking up the definition of ‘prodigious,’ might I suggest that you also look up ‘flushable.’
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Dear Illness: I don’t currently have any time for you. So if you go away now, you can have me the entire month of April. Deal?
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Dear Teacher: We all know that “strong-willed” is teacher-speak for “Your kid doesn’t do what I ask” and “defiant” means “Your kid kind of scares me.” So what’s the meaning behind “Incorrect pencil grasp.”
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Dear Darling Daughter: I know your report card said that you had good listening skills, but The Police are singing “Message in a Bottle,” not “Listen to My Bottom.” Love you anyway.
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Dear Shoppers: Questions are a danger to you & a burden to others.
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Dear Random Stranger: Perhaps you don’t own a mirror, but Mariah Carey’s “Obsessed” is not an appropriate ringtone for you. Trust me – nobody would lie that they were sexing you.
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Dear Dental Hygienist: Telling me I can’t have coffee for 6 hours is like telling Rosie O’Donnell she can’t have a cupcake for 15 minutes. Innocent bystanders are going to be hurt.
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Dear Kodak: EasyShare? EASY Share? I think not.
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Dear Kids: Thanks for always making mommy laugh.

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