Tag Archives: kids say funny things

Just Do Your Job

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The Boy, annoyed with the villain in his video game: “This guy won’t stop hitting me.”

Me: “Isn’t that his job?”

The Boy: “No. His job is to die.”

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What’s On?

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The Girl & I did an overnight program at the local Science Museum last night. It being The Ex’s weekend, he came to pick her up with The Boy.

The Boy: “So where are we going?”

The Ex: “No where. We’re just waiting in the car for your sister.”

The Boy: “Ok… then I’ll just close my eyes & watch TV in my head.”

(30 seconds later)

Opening his eyes: “Nothing but commercials.”

 

Thanks for Nothing

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When The Girl was learning to write Thank You notes, she was still having trouble telling her “th’s” from her “f’s.” Fail to close the “a” all the way & put a “c” where the “n” should have been and you have the Perfect Storm of spelling mistakes.

This card was for my sister & brother-in-law. So naturally I scanned it into the computer, then promptly mailed it. A few days later, my sister called. The first words out of her mouth were, “If she didn’t like the Pixel Chix she could have just said so.”

MomDay Monday – Letters I’ve Never Sent

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Dear Kraft: It’s called “Macaroni & Cheese,” implying that some form of cheese will be in the box.
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Dear Black Eyed Peas: No… I do not gotta get that Boom Boom Pow.
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Dear Bryan at Enterprise Car Rental: Your office is 6′ x 8′ so I doubt it took you THAT long to find out that your manager wasn’t there.
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Dear Brett Michaels: Did you mean for “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn” to be a funny song, because I sure laugh every time I hear it.
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Dear Meteorologists: You’re all very adept at predicting the weather as it’s happening, aren’t you?
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Dear Teacher: I am not one of those parents who brings their kid to school still sick because I’m tired of them being home. Well, I am… but this time I didn’t. So stop telling me he looks ‘piqued.’
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Dear Wipes Manufacturers: My downstairs bathroom is flooded due to the kids’ prodigious use of flushable wipes. While you’re looking up the definition of ‘prodigious,’ might I suggest that you also look up ‘flushable.’
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Dear Illness: I don’t currently have any time for you. So if you go away now, you can have me the entire month of April. Deal?
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Dear Teacher: We all know that “strong-willed” is teacher-speak for “Your kid doesn’t do what I ask” and “defiant” means “Your kid kind of scares me.” So what’s the meaning behind “Incorrect pencil grasp.”
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Dear Darling Daughter: I know your report card said that you had good listening skills, but The Police are singing “Message in a Bottle,” not “Listen to My Bottom.” Love you anyway.
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Dear Shoppers: Questions are a danger to you & a burden to others.
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Dear Random Stranger: Perhaps you don’t own a mirror, but Mariah Carey’s “Obsessed” is not an appropriate ringtone for you. Trust me – nobody would lie that they were sexing you.
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Dear Dental Hygienist: Telling me I can’t have coffee for 6 hours is like telling Rosie O’Donnell she can’t have a cupcake for 15 minutes. Innocent bystanders are going to be hurt.
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Dear Kodak: EasyShare? EASY Share? I think not.
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Dear Kids: Thanks for always making mommy laugh.

The First Black… Pope?

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I was going through some old artwork of The Boy’s. This is one he did in pre-school in 2009. Apparently, that year we saw the first black President and, according to this, the first black Pope.

Valen-Times

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The Girl: “I don’t have a Valentine.”

Me: “That’s okay, sweetie. I don’t have a Valentine either.”

The Girl: “This is different. This is 5th grade. This is HARD!”

The Boy: “What are you talking about? You have valentines. I saw you sign all those SpongeBob cards the other day.”

Me: “No, buddy. When people get older, they like to have one special person that they want to be with & they call them their Valentine.”

The Boy: “Well, that’s just ridiculous.”

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Me: “Come on guys! Let’s make our Fondue!”

The Girl: “Let’s hope it really is a fondue & not a Fon-Don’t.”

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The Boy thought it was unfair that this was called “Fondue for Two” so we changed it.