My mom, The Joan, has always been a spiritual force to be reckoned with. With a strong faith & a seemingly unflappable sense of self, she has always been the one to help me put the brakes on my runaway trains. I often don’t want to hear what she has to say & my sister, KK & I have spent many hours grumbling about her advice because that’s what you have to do when your mom is right & you don’t want to admit it. When I told The Kids the other day that “Nannee” (as she’s known to them) was coming over, The Boy lightly said, “Okay! Time for more life lessons!”
Today, she stood in my driveway after delivering a dresser that I think may have been in my bedroom when I was a child. I’m planning on painting it to use in The Boy’s room & with my mom & step-dad (otherwise known as The Joan & Tony Show) listing their house for sale, they were all too happy to get rid of anything that might be considered clutter to potential buyers.
“We have two showings tomorrow & I’m nervous,” she said. “This seems to be taking too long & I just want this house sold. Say a prayer that our showings go well.” She went on for a few more minutes about how anxious she was to get this done & how annoyed she was that it was taking so long. It was a rare moment to see my normally calm, collected mom getting worked up where, if it were me, she would have said, “Let go & let God.” I tried to give back to her some of the calming force that she’s given to me over the years but she just scoffed. “This better happen soon!” she declared. No letting go with her today.
She walked back to her car & as she was driving away, I called out, “You can’t rush God’s perfect timing.”
She put her hand out the car window and waved.
With just her middle finger.
I love that woman.
Me & The Joan
Ever have one of those times where you know something is off but you can’t put your finger on what it is? So then you just over think it & come up with some weird conclusions that have nothing to do with reality?
We’ve all done it.
I try not to be needy although there are those among you who I’m allowed to be needy around. The KK – my big sister. The Hyde – my former college roommate and favorite ass kicker. The Joan – although she’ll just tell me that I need to stop drinking & “go to a meeting.” But for everyone else, I try to keep the neediness down & let things roll. It’s really hard to do sometimes.
I’m still learning how to let go & let things happen as they will. But sometimes, when I care about something a lot, I can fall into that routine of over thinking & coming to conclusions not based on reality. And sometimes, I have to give in to it & ask. Ask the other person if what I’m thinking is true. As a friend said, “Put on your big girl pants & take the world one ass kick at a time.” In other words, suck it up, make the call & get the answers you need. (Actually, I don’t really know what that whole ‘big girl pants/ass kick’ thing means, but it sounded good.)
Will the other person think you’re crazy? Maybe. Okay – probably. Will you get the answers you want? Absolutely not. But you’ll get the answers you need.
So where does this temporary neediness come from? We are all a product of our past. Let’s face it – if your past involves a roller coaster, you’re going to brace yourself for a roller coaster. You’ll see dizzying heights & plunging lows where there aren’t any. But once you’re on something more like a Ferris wheel – slow & steady but when you get to the top, it’s breathtaking – you can’t look at it like it’s a roller coaster. (Not my best analogy but it’s late & I’ve had a long day.) What I’m trying to say is that we can’t look at the present & expect it to be the same as the past. We need to judge each situation on its own merits & try our hardest to not let the those past roller coasters take us for a ride.
It’s not easy. But it’s got to be done.
And since I’ve never really been a fan of roller coasters, I’ll take two tickets for the Ferris wheel, please.