Monthly Archives: May 2012

Table for Two? Would You Prefer Dead or Undead?


The Boy: “If zombies come around here, I’m just gonna tell them, ‘Sorry, zombies. This big, juicy brain is NOT on the menu.'”


43 Out of 44 Presidents Don’t Want Happy Marriages.


The Girl: “Mom, what’s ‘gay’?”

Me: “Well, men & women usually fall in love with each other. But there are men who fall in love with men & women who fall in love with women. That’s what ‘gay’ is. Why? What did you hear?”

The Girl: “Well, Nick said that President Obama was the first president to approve of gay marriages so I asked Emily what gay was. She said it meant “happy” but I couldn’t figure out why all the other presidents wouldn’t approve of happy marriages.”

You Don’t Bring Me Flowers…


I was lecturing The Boy for quite a while about something as we were walking to the car. He stopped, pulled a dandelion from the sidewalk, handed it to me and said, “Here. For when you calm down.”

Leave a Message


Me, opening The Boy’s door: “Sam, time to get up & get dressed.”

The Boy, without opening an eye or moving a muscle: “I’m sorry. Sam is not fully awake yet. Please leave a message after the beep…….. BEEP.”

Can I Get a Translator?


The Boy has foreign languages issues…


The Boy: “Flurgen blurger stueben reinhold gliegel rong.”

Me: “What does that mean?”

The Boy: “I’m not sure. I was hoping you would know.”


Dog: “Woof woof woof woof woof.”

The Boy: “Woof woof woof woof woof.”

Me: “What are you guys saying?”

The Boy: “I don’t know. I don’t speak dog.”