Monthly Archives: May 2012

Table for Two? Would You Prefer Dead or Undead?

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The Boy: “If zombies come around here, I’m just gonna tell them, ‘Sorry, zombies. This big, juicy brain is NOT on the menu.'”

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43 Out of 44 Presidents Don’t Want Happy Marriages.

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The Girl: “Mom, what’s ‘gay’?”

Me: “Well, men & women usually fall in love with each other. But there are men who fall in love with men & women who fall in love with women. That’s what ‘gay’ is. Why? What did you hear?”

The Girl: “Well, Nick said that President Obama was the first president to approve of gay marriages so I asked Emily what gay was. She said it meant “happy” but I couldn’t figure out why all the other presidents wouldn’t approve of happy marriages.”

You Don’t Bring Me Flowers…

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I was lecturing The Boy for quite a while about something as we were walking to the car. He stopped, pulled a dandelion from the sidewalk, handed it to me and said, “Here. For when you calm down.”

Leave a Message

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Me, opening The Boy’s door: “Sam, time to get up & get dressed.”

The Boy, without opening an eye or moving a muscle: “I’m sorry. Sam is not fully awake yet. Please leave a message after the beep…….. BEEP.”

Can I Get a Translator?

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The Boy has foreign languages issues…

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The Boy: “Flurgen blurger stueben reinhold gliegel rong.”

Me: “What does that mean?”

The Boy: “I’m not sure. I was hoping you would know.”

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Dog: “Woof woof woof woof woof.”

The Boy: “Woof woof woof woof woof.”

Me: “What are you guys saying?”

The Boy: “I don’t know. I don’t speak dog.”