Monthly Archives: January 2012

MomDay Monday – I’m Versatile?

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According to two fellow bloggers, I AM versatile. Trixfred30 of www.happinessstanliveshere.wordpress.com and Erica of www.myadventuresinchaos.wordpress.com both nominated me for the Versatile Blogger award. I’m very honored & I always appreciate it when people I don’t know like the blog. I figure my friends & family have to. Except my dad. His response to the blog was, “My beautiful, intelligent grandchildren do not say crud.” I’m glad I didn’t go with my original title of “Crap My Kids Say.”

So the rules of the Versatile Blogger award…

RULE #1: List 7 Random Facts About Yourself:

1. I ignore the dental hygienist when she tells me I can’t have hot liquids for 6 hours after my fluoride treatment. Meet Mr. Medium Black Coffee, sister!

2. I love Villanova basketball for the most random of reasons. I never went to Villanova. But a former boss assumed I did, told several people I did & when I interviewed with one of those people, I got the job. So you see kids? You never know where your interests will lead you.

3. I have left the house on occasion wearing a shirt that reads, “I’m Big on the Pig.” ‘Cause that’s how I roll.

4. My dad may not be technologically savvy, but he sends me a valentine every year. The two have nothing to do with each other. I just think it’s sweet. And I know I’ll get at least one valentine this year.

5. My dishwasher flashes the word “Ho” over & over again about halfway through it’s cycle. At Christmas I figured it was just getting into the spirit. Now I’m starting to get offended.

6. I’m the Cookie Mom for 2 Girl Scout troops. Condolences can be sent via email.

7. I love that my mechanic shop leaves mints on the seat of my car after they work on it.

RULE #2: Nominate 15 Other Blogs.

1. http://notnowhoneymommyhastoblog.com/ – In the interest of full disclosure, the author is a friend of mine. She’s about the funniest woman I’ve ever know. Her haikus are legendary and be sure to read her ode to an elliptical machine.

2. www.chickswithticks.wordpress.com – A celebration of the outdoors from women who love to be there. It’s also a way to feed The Girl’s fascination with bugs without actually having to touch them.

3. The OCD Diaries – www.billbrenner1970.wordpress.com – Another friend but a great read nonetheless. Bill looks his own battles with mental illness & addiction square in the eye & says, “Screw you.” Lots of heavy metal, attitude & love go into this every day.

4. www.cassandrawasright.wordpress.com – Random rants from a blogger who is mad as hell &  not going to take it anymore.

5. www.awondrouslife.com – Even in the ordinary, life can be extraordinary.

6. www.crampmystyle.wordpress.com – Funny, nostalgic… just good.

7. Blank Stares and Blank Pages – http://jeremiahgraves.wordpress.com/ – So random…. anger at airlines, underwear as weather-stripping, general douchebaggery. I love it.

8. http://gokartracer.wordpress.com/ – Another disclosure… this is my niece and I love that she’s out there doing this & talking about her passion for racing. Dear World: You’ve been warned. Keep your eye on this girl. She’s going to go far.

9. http://susartandfood.wordpress.com/ – I’m no cook. The Ex used to be a chef so I’m just finding my way around the kitchen. This blog has great recipes… served with a slice of life.

10. www.thespotts.wordpress.com – Spotts in the Valley of the Sun – Warm & wonderful.

11. Sarah Smiles Awhile – http://sarahpalma.wordpress.com/ – Newly married and adorable (although I somehow think she would hate being called that), Sarah is warm & witty. I love her post on living in Grenada.

12. Kari’s Photoblog – http://karinemily.wordpress.com/ – I love when someone can see something beautiful in the everyday. It reminds me to try to do the same every day.

13. http://www.chicagonow.com/mary-tyler-mom/2012/01/social-media-101-my-barbie-mea-culpa/ – Mary Tyler Mom – I’m in love with this name… but more so, I love that she talks openly & candidly about her daughter’s cancer. I love this post about what happened when she shared her opinion of the Bald Barbie “Movement.”

14. http://365daysofphotosbyclare.wordpress.com/ – Another beauty in the everyday forum… but the extreme close ups & angles she uses make the photos almost surreal… looking forward to the next 343 days.

15. http://ayearwithsimpleabundance.blogspot.com/ – My mom gave me this book, Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach about 100 years ago. I dusted it off at the beginning of the new year in an attempt to live more simply and thereby more abundantly. I figured this new year was the perfect time for it with all the changes that happened during 2011.

So thank you again. Don’t tell anyone I said that it’s humbling to receive this. I’d hate for my surly reputation to be ruined.

MomDay Tuesday – Yeah… That’s Right.

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I know I said “MomDay-AnyDay-but-Monday” sounded wrong, but Monday was just a cluster. It involved cookies. Lots & lots of cookies.

I’m the Cookie Mom for two Girl Scout troops. Be jealous. I try to glam it up by calling myself  “Cookie Chick” or “Cookie Diva” but I’m not fooling anyone. I never meant to be the Cookie Mom. The Ex took The Girl to one of her first Girl Scout meetings when she was 7-years-old. At that meeting, he uttered the fateful words, “Well… if no one else volunteers…” This is when I realize the twists of fate that life takes and how much God is laughing at us, not with us. Had I not taken a job in retail, I would have been there that night, keeping my mouth shut tight along with everyone else. But on the flip side, had I never been volunteered, I never would have gotten to know someone who has turned into one of my closest friends (Hi, Shannon!) and who is pretty much the only reason I stay in this. (Please keep your comments about how I should do it for mother-daughter togetherness to yourself.)

So, here are my random musings on cookies, parents of Girl Scouts & how to take a case of Thin Mints to the chest & live to tell about it:

– There are flavors reserved solely for Troop Leaders & Cookie Moms: Aneurysm Doodles & High Blood Pressure Patties. They taste like chocolate & desperation.

– The names of some of the cookies have changed. “Samoas” are now “Caramel DeLites.” “Tagalongs” are now “Peanut Butter Patties.” Deal with it.

– If you’re over the age of 60 & you ask us for Samoas or Tagalongs, we know what they are & will get you the right cookies. We’re not completely heartless.

– The day I get all of the orders from all of the parents of all of the girls on the date that I tell them I need them, I will stop drinking wine. Neither will ever happen.

– The day I get all the money from all the parents of all the girls on the date that I tell them I need it, I will agree to a date with the cell phone guy at work. Again… neither will ever happen.

– If you realize that you are days late with your cookie order or money & you call me frantically, please bear in mind that I have a life. If I do not immediately return your phone call or email, it’s because I’m busy living it.

– When the truck comes in & you help unload it, only volunteer when they’re throwing the Caramel DeLites or the Lemonades. Thin Mints & Shortbreads are heavy as hell & leave a bruise.

– I find it ironic that the woman with the gluten allergy is the Cookie Mom. Of course, that fact has saved me several thousands of dollars and about 75 pounds in the past 4 years since I don’t eat my way through a case of Peanut Butter Sandwiches once a week.

– Me, to the Girl Scout Council person: “The database isn’t working.” GS Council person: “Well, why didn’t you try it when we first sent it to you 3 weeks ago?” Me: “One word: Christmas, bitch. Sorry… that was two. My bad.”

(Shannon & I actually have these shirts!)

It Pays to Plan Ahead

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Last week, The Boy handed me a sheet of paper with his neat, 2nd grade handwriting covering the front & back.

The Boy: “Here. It’s my birthday list. Keep it safe until you need it…. Oh, and mom?”

Me: “Yes?”

The Boy: “Don’t spend all your money on this.”

The Perfect Parent

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An Open Letter to the Most Perfect Mother of the Most Perfect Child on Earth:

I know that baby of yours is an amazing, talented, genius who will probably cure cancer or, better yet, rid the world of the Kardashians. And all this at the tender age of 6 months. But just so you know… one day that child will do something embarrassing when you take them to a store. Something that will make you question all your parenting skills. Something so horrendous that you may actually consider sending them to live with the Kardashians.

And at that point, I hope another Perfect Parent of another Perfect Child looks at your kid with as much disgust as you were able to muster for my child. I also hope that, at that moment, you don’t shrink from your duty as a mother & are able to look back at her, make your child apologize & then tell her, “Lighten up. Your baby will survive.”

Because when you can forgive your children their childishness… when you can realize that their infractions are not the end of the world… and when you can understand that while you are allowed to be disgusted with your kids, no one else is… THAT’s when you earn the title of Most Perfect Mother, at least to your own kids.