I know I said “MomDay-AnyDay-but-Monday” sounded wrong, but Monday was just a cluster. It involved cookies. Lots & lots of cookies.
I’m the Cookie Mom for two Girl Scout troops. Be jealous. I try to glam it up by calling myself “Cookie Chick” or “Cookie Diva” but I’m not fooling anyone. I never meant to be the Cookie Mom. The Ex took The Girl to one of her first Girl Scout meetings when she was 7-years-old. At that meeting, he uttered the fateful words, “Well… if no one else volunteers…” This is when I realize the twists of fate that life takes and how much God is laughing at us, not with us. Had I not taken a job in retail, I would have been there that night, keeping my mouth shut tight along with everyone else. But on the flip side, had I never been volunteered, I never would have gotten to know someone who has turned into one of my closest friends (Hi, Shannon!) and who is pretty much the only reason I stay in this. (Please keep your comments about how I should do it for mother-daughter togetherness to yourself.)
So, here are my random musings on cookies, parents of Girl Scouts & how to take a case of Thin Mints to the chest & live to tell about it:
– There are flavors reserved solely for Troop Leaders & Cookie Moms: Aneurysm Doodles & High Blood Pressure Patties. They taste like chocolate & desperation.
– The names of some of the cookies have changed. “Samoas” are now “Caramel DeLites.” “Tagalongs” are now “Peanut Butter Patties.” Deal with it.
– If you’re over the age of 60 & you ask us for Samoas or Tagalongs, we know what they are & will get you the right cookies. We’re not completely heartless.
– The day I get all of the orders from all of the parents of all of the girls on the date that I tell them I need them, I will stop drinking wine. Neither will ever happen.
– The day I get all the money from all the parents of all the girls on the date that I tell them I need it, I will agree to a date with the cell phone guy at work. Again… neither will ever happen.
– If you realize that you are days late with your cookie order or money & you call me frantically, please bear in mind that I have a life. If I do not immediately return your phone call or email, it’s because I’m busy living it.
– When the truck comes in & you help unload it, only volunteer when they’re throwing the Caramel DeLites or the Lemonades. Thin Mints & Shortbreads are heavy as hell & leave a bruise.
– I find it ironic that the woman with the gluten allergy is the Cookie Mom. Of course, that fact has saved me several thousands of dollars and about 75 pounds in the past 4 years since I don’t eat my way through a case of Peanut Butter Sandwiches once a week.
– Me, to the Girl Scout Council person: “The database isn’t working.” GS Council person: “Well, why didn’t you try it when we first sent it to you 3 weeks ago?” Me: “One word: Christmas, bitch. Sorry… that was two. My bad.”
(Shannon & I actually have these shirts!)