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Reason #452 I should probably limit The Kids’ television viewing:

The Boy: “You know, Mom, if you want us to get up in the morning without whining, you should get us Unisom. It lets you fall asleep 33% faster & you wake up ready to go.”

Puzzled

Me, doing a puzzle with The Boy: “I don’t think that piece goes there, Bud.”

The Boy: “No, no… I can make this work. I just need a hammer & some duct tape.”

MomDay Monday – My Kids Are Jerks

I love The Kids. I love them so much sometimes I don’t know what to do with it.

But sometimes… oh, sometimes…

Sometimes they’re jerks.

There. I said it.

It doesn’t mean I don’t love them. But at that moment when The Girl is rolling her eyes & stomping up the stairs, declaring how heinous it is that she has to put her dirty socks somewhere other than the kitchen counter or The Boy is having an all out fit because I won’t let him have a cupcake 10 minutes before dinner, I think, “They’re such jerks!”

For those of you with kids, maybe you’ve felt the same way. Or maybe you think I’m a terrible person &  a horrible parent. Either way, you have to admit that there are times when you just really don’t like your kids.

I’ve said it to them. It’s a line I learned from my mother-in-law. “I love you very much. But I don’t like you very much right now.”

And I think about all those times that I rolled my eyes & stomped up the stairs, declaring how heinous it was that I had to put my dirty socks somewhere other than the kitchen counter & I realize that The Joan probably didn’t like me very much sometimes either. Which amazes me because she never really showed it. She was good at just walking away or calmly telling me to go away. (Except that one time when I broke a Flintstone’s jelly jar glass & she freaked out yelling, “Damn it! We just can’t keep nice things in this house!”)

I, on the other hand, have a horrible habit of telling people exactly what’s pissing me off about them. The Kids included. And I don’t stop until I get it all out of my system. As The Ex said one time, “It’s not enough for me to be wrong. You have to make sure I know exactly how wrong I am.”

So I’m determined to try to be more like The Joan. Walk away or calmly tell them to go away. Obviously if it is unacceptable behavior, there will be punishment involved but for the most part, I have to not let it get to me so much.

After all, when I get frustrated with them, they sense that. And they feed on it.

Jerks.

George Washington. May He Rest in Peace.

You know it’s going to be an interesting night when The Boy hands me a Lego figure & says, “Here. You’re this guy. His job is to rescue the bones of George Washington.”

The Name’s Cuddles. Bob Cuddles.

The Kids & I have been talking about getting a cat & were discussing possible names.

The Boy: “For names, I like Bob…. Kevin… and… Mr. Cuddles.”

I’ll Be Done With My Tantrum When They Fix My Cable

We’ve been having issues with our cable for almost a week & it’s still not fixed. When I got home tonight, I called the cable company again & ripped them a new one calmly tried to resolve the problem.

The Boy, as I hung up the phone: “Are you done with your little tantrum, Diaper Baby?”

They Really Love Their Dad, Too

The Ex had a birthday recently so I took The Kids shopping for some birthday gifts. Coming across some sports watches, The Girl picked one up & eyed it.

Me: “That’s a nice watch but it’s kind of casual. Maybe we can look for one that’s a little more handsome.”

The Girl: “No… Handsome & Dad don’t really go together.”

They Really Do Love Each Other

The Boy, eyeing his sister as she walks through the room: “There she goes. Queen of Stupid & Pooper of Parties.”

Darn Right I Won’t

According to The Girl, video game ratings are as follows:

E = Everyone
T = Teen
M = Mom Won’t Let You

And Rite Aid Makes it Rain

The Radio: “Traffic is brought to you by Walgreens.”

The Boy: “Nice going, Walgreens. Now we’re going to be late.”